I mustered enough caliber to talk to him. Well it turned out fine, of course I left my questions anonymous. But he insisted that I give him my name. It made me really nervous. Well, I'm confident that he would not figure my name out.
I really am not in the mood to talk about it. It was just sooo stupid of me to think that everything will turn out fine, only to find out that he and his friend had talked about me. First impression lasts. -- as the saying goes..
Okay. Just because my looks are not deceiving enough, I knew how the conversation flowed. I know that. I cannot deny that. I was not born to be a supermodel. It is indeed VERY DIFFICULT to please everybody. People could not appreciate me by just merely staring at me or at my photos. I have no wish of denying that.
That very moment while I was reading their conversation.. It was chaos. Chaos within me... That I was not good enough. That it was so stupid of me. That I hoped for something I know won't happen. It was like a HARD BITCH SLAP on both sides of my face. Of my soul..
Here I go again, overthinking of what happened. The deal I had with my friend whom I call "dear", had been blown away by the wind. It had been washed away from my plans. I no longer want to make friends with him. I no longer want to follow him whenever he walks in front of me. I no longer want to have a picture with him. Because I know he would not appreciate me.
Because, I was not good enough..
Because, he already judged me.
And because he pierced me..
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